I don’t know whose fault this is, but it seems to me that unless whatever illness you have qualifies as an emergency, in which case there are the Urgent Care clinics, or a condition that is so chronic you will still be suffering from it 6-8 weeks from now, there is pretty much zero chance that your ailment and your health care provider will ever meet.

Okay, so they’re not related at all, except that this week I have been handling the health insurance renewal for our company and I discovered a new band I really like.

The band is Blitzen Trapper. They’re kind of like if you combined Van Morrison with early Beck and then threw in some classic brit rock and country…I feel like this would be a good place for a link to a free download or something, but my internet pirating skills fail me once again. Instead, I will go home and pick out a good song and iTunes-gift it to you.

Now, since it is timely in both a this-is-what-I’m-doing-at-work-today way, and in a current events way, here are some observations on health care:

1. Beware! The person typing up your insurance plan summary did not accidentally hit caps lock. When a random letter in the middle of your plan title is capitalized, this should be your cue that the word in question can no longer be taken literally! For example, if your plan is called Blue Shield BeneFits, that is its name, like calling it George or Frederick; the word BeneFit in this case should not be interpreted as describing a plan that actually contains any benefit whatsoever.

2. If you have been quoted a dental plan that costs $15, you should expect to receive exactly $15 worth of dental care. Do you want $15 worth of dental care? Think about the quality of work you, personally, would be willing to do for $15…

3. I realize what I am about to post is supposed to be personal information, but my sense of outrage is temporarily outweighing any privacy I might otherwise feel entitled to. Here is what I am deciding between for health  insurance this year: Currently, I have the rock-bottom cheapest HSA-compatible plan available – we’re talking bottom of the bucket, better luck with an apple a day and a prayer – and it will still cost me over $400 per month. During the one year I have been on this plan, I have yet to see it cover any of my medical expenses, so that $400 is best-case scenario assuming I never, ever, have to go to the doctor. The year before, I had a mid-range plan, nothing fancy, sort of like the Toyota Corolla of PPO plans, and this plan will now cost me upwards of $800 per month, and it still only pays a percentage of the basic things like office visits and annual check-ups. I feel like I am being swindled. (I actually feel like there are a few words stronger than “swindle” I’d like to use, but don’t want our blog to be flagged as containing “adult content.”) Furthermore, I fail to see the difference between insurance companies, gambling establishments, and some guy named Vinny who offers to “protect” you for $500 cash. It’s profit based on the probability or threat that something will or will not occur, and it doesn’t fit anywhere into the model of capitalism I recall from Econ class. It’s not just expensive, it’s downright offensive.

4. On a broader, political scale: is nationalized health care a better option? On one hand, what if going to the emergency room was like going to the DMV? On the other hand, insurance companies weigh the value of life and death against their bottom line on a daily basis, and surprisingly, death is almost always cheaper! Really, it’s like choosing between the lesser of two evils, and your options are the Post Office and Satan.