I’m off!
Yikes.
Updates from January, 2010
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bye!
Emilily
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where in the world is carmemily?
Emilily
ok, it’s been sooooo long, I had to make a post, even though I have nothing much to talk about except for maybe some of the exciting things I am doing today, like going to the mechanic, listing my car on Craig’s List, and doing my taxes. Fun. Also, I am in the process of upgrading my adobe products, and so cannot post any new photos. To make this post more interesting, I have included a picture of my camping trip to Joshua Tree this past fall. Actually, I haven’t posted any of these pictures, and I’ve done some editing work to a few of them, so here they are…oh, crap, the files are too large, I am crippled without photoshop.
Huh.
I’ve been slacking on my fashion sales sites, K Dukes is not inspiring me, and today’s news – the earthquake in Haiti – is tragic but not controversial…I’m at a loss. I guess I could just post a bunch of pictures of my cat doing cute things with a hackey sack…or not…hey, what’s everyone else doing right now?!
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What a joke...
Carmen
So, these are on sale today on Gilt and I’m just floored by the balls these people must have. And I’m floored by the gullibility of the people who buy this. I mean, somebody must be buying them or they wouldn’t be in business right? Anyways, apparently if you put these on your face you won’t get pimples and it will reduce wrinkles, depending on which one you use. Officially:
“Using superior technology developed by NASA, the Baby Quasar works by stimulating the natural production of collagen in the skin, thereby diminishing the appearance of fine lines, wrinkles and enlarged pores. Extremely effective in firming and toning the skin and increasing blood flow and circulation, the Baby Quasar uses 24 LED’s in four discrete wavelengths of red and infrared light.”
This is pure bullshit. And even if it wasn’t and by some miracle the light from LEDs did something beneficial for my skin I’m not going to pay $500 bucks for it! I’ll just go rub my face in the christmas lights! Cmon people, this isn’t the 1920’s! Actually the 20’s were better, at least they were advertising for things that worked – Coke! Delicious and refreshing! (Yeah it was, cause it had cocaine in it), Stay slim with your very own tapeworm! (hey, you will actually lose some weight. In fact, I’m gonna go get some tapeworms right now and start my new business! “Lose weight by meeting my little friend!”)
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back!
Emilily
I’m in Oceanside now, at my grandma’s, and we’re finally wired again! We had to buy a wireless router today – it was the only solution, since being offline for the next 8 days is not really an option.
Unfortunately, I cannot think of anything interesting to post about at the moment…
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planning for the future...
Carmen
In preparation for our next blog entitled “How to be More Like Kristopher Dukes” I went and bought some of this stuff, I’ll let you know how it goes:
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oxymoron of the day: Fox News
Emilily
Sometimes when I am at the gym, they have Fox News playing on the TV in the locker room. They also have the TV mounted on the ceiling, with no volume or channel controls in sight, so I have to quickly change my clothes while singing a little song I made up called The Fox News Song. It goes “la la la la la I can’t hear you la la la la....” Unfortunately, the other day, in between verses 17 and 18, I heard about this guy, I believe he is a Senator, named Inhofe, who has formed something called The Truth Commission. My details are sketchy, because I was still trying to not hear the first half of the story, but apparently, The Truth Commission has made it their mission to debunk climate change. I’m all for challenging commonly held assumptions, even if they do appear to be based on massive amounts of statistical data, but I have two issues with The Truth Commission.First, it is composed of three members – one of them is Inhofe, the other was some guy who’s name I did not recognize, and the third member was, and I quote, “…a secret.” Aside from the fact that we’re supposed to believe a three-member commission of politicians has discovered the truth* behind global warming that scientists around the globe have apparently got wrong, isn’t it contradictory to have a secret member in a truth commission?!
Second, even if I were to somehow accept that they are promoting a truth so infallible it need not rely on the credibility or identity of its proponents, what’s with their name? I think they are trying to emphasize a direct contradiction to the movie An Inconvenient Truth, but they gave up on coming up with anything clever and settled instead for the obvious, PR-equivalent of I-know-I-am-but-what-are-you. If you’re trying to contradict something, you usually pick words that are antonyms or exaggerated forms of the opposition’s title, and then use them in a clever way, so that the opposition can tell you are mocking them, rather than just trying to ride their publicity by using their name as a front for your own hair-brained idea. Here are some suggestions I think they should consider: The Convenience Commission, The Real Inconvenient Truth, The Commission On Climate Staying The Same And/Or Changing But Not From Man-Made Causes, or Team Petroleum.
*In case you were wondering, the truth about global warming is that “...it is a liberal-inspired hoax, intended to wrest control of world energy policy and wealth from Western countries so the United Nations can have its way.”
Damn United Nations, damn Western countries hoarding all the wealth from all that oil…oh, wait…
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Remember when...
Carmen
Val Kilmer used to be hot? What happened Val? Please get a personal trainer and stop breaking my heart.
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State Street Christmas trees from my phone with tiltshift
Emilily
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speaking of hair...
Carmen
Do you think this lady looks like a lesbian? Not that there is anything wrong with that. However, I am trying to not look like a lesbian but my hair is growing out and I need a good in between cut. I really like this cut but I’m afraid if I got it I would look like a lesbian from the 80’s. I think my end goal cut will be this last picture.
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nice package
Emilily
So yesterday (yes, this is a banked post!) I was standing at the water cooler, chatting with two of the engineers from our office (I know, how cliche) and we were talking about what snacks and beverages we were going to have in our booth at next week’s trade show. We always have Red Bull, water, Hershey’s Minis, and Quaker Oatmeal Bars. Sometimes we have a keg on the last day of the show. The staff is pretty evenly divided between those of us who snack on the oatmeal bars and water (me, about 89% of the time), and those who consume the Red Bull and candy, but everybody likes beer! Another thing we agreed on was that we really need to try some of those energy drinks with the alcohol already in them – not because they’re going to be any good, but because they are horrifyingly fascinating. I’m going to equate them to shooting a gun – there is great potential for bodily harm, but despite one’s better judgment, curiosity wins out. (Speaking of not listening to one’s better judgment, it was also at a trade show that I tried one of those 5-Hour Energy drinks and had an incredibly bad reaction to the toxic levels of niacin it contained.) But back to the alcoholic energy drinks…is there any other (legal) substance that can give you a buzz and keep you up for the next 24 hours? (That was a hypothetical question, but the answer is: NO, and for good reason.) So, with my opinion of these so-called beverages as nothing more than highly toxic sludge improperly marketed to teenage binge drinkers firmly in place, I hopped on the internet and did a little research. And the result? I totally have to try this. Why? Not because my opinion of alcoholic energy drinks has changed, but because I like the packaging.
So how much of a sucker am I? There are four pictures below. The leftmost two are energy drinks currently on the market, one called Sparks that looks like something a 15-year-old might be able to score at his/her local 7-11, and one by Monster featuring new Nitrous Oxide technology. Technically, I think this one may not have alcohol, and I don’t think they’re trying to imply it’s like a shot of espresso and a whippit; I believe they’re just trying to give their disgusting, foul-tasting brew the foamy frothy consistency of beer on tap. Somehow I am offended by the mere fact that they are trying to improve this crap. Now, for the next two. The first one is called Mojo, and looks like one of those anti-oxidant infused water bottles you might find at Whole Foods. All of a sudden, I am not bothered by the fact that it is 7% alcohol and has 2.5 times the caffeine as the equivalent amount of coffee. It’s French, and comes in three flavors: Tropical Fruit, Star Fruit, and Dragon Fruit. ‘Nuff said. The next one (far right) is a concept drink called Tagged, and the smooth, matte aluminum bottle makes me pray the proposed state ban on alcoholic energy drinks doesn’t nip this pretty baby in the bud.
xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxOn another note, I found Mojo and Tagged through a Google image search which led me to a great blog called Dieline, featuring what else but package design! It was just a happy accident that through a post about my complete and instantaneous lack of free will when faced with a nice package that I stumbled upon this website, but it pretty much reads as a shopping list for…everything. I mean, look at this wine bottle! And these tampons…seriously? A non-repulsive tampon box? The only way that box could be improved upon is if you could also use it to bludgeon people. And, last one I promise, this rum bottle looks like it was designed by the same lettering artist who did that Wired article on pirates.
Dude, nice design just makes me happy, and gives me hope for humanity.
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Humboldt Honeys
Emilily
Well, my Halloween was a complete bore (I spent all day/night cleaning my old apartment) but it looks like my little brother had fun!
For future reference, you can always identify a bona fide Northern California drag queen by the pit hair and choice of footwear.
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everything looks better in tiltshift...
Carmen
This is a sister post to the one you did earlier on the TiltShiftGen app. Everywhere I look I keep thinking it would look better in tiltshift. I just love how it saturates everything and brightens it all up. So, for you viewing pleasure…
The view outside my work window… The remnants of a delicious chocolate cake from a great place called Bar Jules… And the GG bridge at sunset.
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we've come a long way, baby....not
Emilily
Dylan forwarded me this link he received from one of his married buddies. To Dylan’s credit, his email was titled “Stupid Idea” and I like to think the only reason his friends were forwarding it is because they, like me, were mocking the sad state of affairs it hints at.
I was inspired to write a testimonial to these people, but then discovered that their “Read What Other People Are Saying” section was not open to public posting, so I’ll share it with you instead.
Dear National Men Make Dinner Day Organizers,
I actually think it is a great idea…but only because your website provides a forum for women to meet other women who have married men so pathetic and lazy that they require the motivation of a fake national holiday to get their fat asses off the couch and learn how to use a can opener.
On second thought, after reading your Recipes section, if some poor woman’s knuckle-dragging mouth-breather of a husband is going to make her ONE meal, and she requests a pecan-date (and mayonnaise) cheese ball…well, maybe the lucky domestically-challenged Mr. will earn enough points that she’ll put on something from Frederick’s of Hollywood circa 1982 and they can have 1.3 minutes of sex.
Sincerely,
Anonymous, from the 21st century, U.S.A. (p.s. it is nice here, you should visit sometime) -
Yard Sale
Emilily
412-A West Sola Street
So I had that yard sale like an entire week and a half ago, but I had planned on doing a post about it, so I was taking notes all morning. Here’s how it went, along with a picture from the scene of the crime, as viewed with my back to the street. The little cottage front and center is where Dylan lives, the main house to the left has tenants (four 19-yr old girls), the studio above the garage behind the main house has a tenant (another college girl) and the studio above his place has a tenant (a Presbyterian Orthodox pastor.)
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since I have nothing else to report today...
Emilily
…here’s a conversation* I had with Dylan last night as we were sitting on the couch watching TV and Mick was sitting on Dylan’s leg trying to eat his blanket:
*I’m using the term conversation loosely
E: Hey, remember when we lived together and I always wanted a cat?
D: [silence]
E: And now here I am, living with you, and I have a cat.
D: [silence]
E: Do you think it will be funny, having me live here?
D: [silence]
E: Aw, look, how cute, Mick is grooming your ankle.
D: Define funny. -
I'm back!
Emilily
Holy cow! Where have I been, you ask? Well, for starters, incredibly busy with work and moving, and second, I infected my office PC with the virus of death, and it has taken three days to rebuild, so I have been cut off from the ENTIRE WORLD (or, at least, the internet.)
When I got this virus, the first thing I did (well, after aiming a barrage of expletives worthy of any sailor at the computer) was look at K Dukes 411-Spyware blog, and sure enough! I found my virus. Unfortunately, her recommended fixes did not work, perhaps they were outdated or the virus had evolved – basically, her solution involves accessing the task manager or your registry via safe mode, neither of which the virus will allow you to do. Either way, for your information, if you ever get the virus called Security Tool, the best way to fix it is to 1) throw away your infected computer and 2) buy a new computer. The other alternative is to enlist the help of the entire tech department at your office for three days to rebuild your PC, reinstall your software, reestablish your network and VPN connections, and make jokes about how you shouldn’t download porn at work. (For the record, I was looking up a recipe for rainbow cake, which I am going to make this weekend, but that sounds so harmless it was followed with jokes about how I needed to learn how to lie better.)
Anyways, as you can see, I am back online. I have so much to post about! But first, important question – should I buy this? It’s on sale at Amazon for $119. I realize that seems like a lot of money for a TV series from 1997, but it is all 10 seasons…54 discs…9,900 minutes of pure sci-fi bliss. That’s 72 cents per hour of entertainment. It doesn’t get much cheaper than that. However, it comes in this retarded-looking boxed set that basically screams “beam me up Scotty cause I plan on never getting laid again.” -
Carmen
I was checking out these Photos from Russia taken in the early 1900’s when color photography was just being invented. I love all the photos, especially this one of Austrian prisoners of war near a barrack, near Kiappeselga in 1915:
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Emilily
Have you seen K Dukes today? It’s time for me to try one of those matcha green tea soy lattes I believe…
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chicks on spaceships
Emilily
Ok, I was a little intimidated by the 317 hours of SG-1 and SG-Atlantis I was going to have to watch to catch up to the current season, so I skipped right to the pilot episodes of SG-U. (I did read that entire Wikipedia article you linked to in your post, so I do feel somewhat educated on the franchise.) Now, I know that because I have been watching BSG a little longer, my loyalty might cause me to be slightly biased, but I think we need to discuss the role of women in both of these shows.
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this weekend
Emilily
Geez, I have been sooooo crazy busy this week and last! So much work, board meetings, UK execs in the office all next week, and I am trying to pack up and be moved out of my apartment by the end of the month! Whew. If I make it through October without losing my mind it will be a miracle.This is what I am doing on Saturday – I’m throwing a yard sale! I’ve posted it three different places on Craig’s List, and I’m going to nail these signs all over the neighborhood tonight. There will be donuts, and most likely some really weird customers. It would be way more fun if you were here for it!
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Speaking of apps...
Carmen
I also downloaded the TiltShiftGen app which allows you to take a picture and then render it to look like you are looking at a miniature mock up of the real thing. It works really well and the photos look super cute. Go get it! You will like it!
(i did not take this pic btw)
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SciFi
Carmen
I get existential angst alot. Its all a mystery, and quite a dark mystery at that. I mean, we’re surrounded by all this weird stuff like wasps that lay eggs in the bellies of spiders and dark matter and dreams – what’s that all about? Nobody knows. Our own brains are the most confounding things ever. I’ve been thinking alot about who we are when we’re born. Are we born with a personality or character or is it all nurtured in? I was holding a baby last week, he was only two weeks old. He was totally quiet and just looking at me. It was a pretty weird moment. Where did this little guy come from (besides the obvious)? Is there a soul in there? Is there an original identity in there? Or were those big blue eyes just absorbing it all and pathways just forming in his little brain? Was his brain born with a collective consciousness of millions of years? It doesn’t really matter I guess, I just like thinking about it. This all brings me to my new show – warning, this is super nerdy and probably not in a good way – Stargate Universe. Now, I know, Stargate? Really? with MacGyver? I release all my preconceived notions of Stargate lameness because my love for science fiction has taken over. I love Battlestar Galactica for its human struggles – Cylons trying to figure out what it means to be human and humans wondering the same thing as their species dwindles. Its great! From what I’ve seen of Stargate it brings in much more of the science fiction theories that I love (wormholes and whatnot) although the reviews I’ve read say that this new branch of the “stargate franchise” (called Universe) will be much like Battlestar Galactica with the dark human stuff. So I looked up Stargate on wikipedia and holy shit there is a whole lotta stuff going on! I don’t know why I’m surprised at the depth, this thing has been going on for over 10 years. Maybe surprised is the wrong word for what I’m feeling. I think its – impressed. And excited. Because, as we all know, science fiction is just a preview of whats going to happen in the future. So far I haven’t seen any giant wasps on Stargate so hopefully our distant future is free from that.
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there's probably a pill for that
Emilily
Well, I spent all day yesterday boxing stuff up and preparing for the move. I made the mistake of packing my clock and deciding to just pack until bedtime (aka, when I got tired) and then proceeded to drink an entire pot of coffee…not sure how late I stayed up, but I didn’t get out of bed today until 11:00. I am trying to downsize, and pack for…? I’m keeping only the necessities; everything else I’m selling (in this order) on Craig’s List, at consignment stores, or in next weekend’s yard sale. Anything left over is being donated* or trashed. I think it will be liberating when I’m done, even though right now it is making me crazy. I don’t know how much time I spent sorting my in-case-of-emergency mini safety pin collection into colors – gold tone, silver tone, and brass – but when I realized I had made three piles of bobby pins – good, bent, and to be repaired – I had to stop and ask myself – is there such thing as too organized?** -
My morning ride...
Carmen
So, you know I’ve been riding my bike to work since May? I’m kind of impressed with myself because when I bought the bike I remember thinking to myself “gee, i hope i can keep this up.” And the fact that its October and I still ride about 10 miles a day is surprising even to myself. Especially because I grew up telling myself and anyone who would listen that I very much disliked riding bikes. I think we can blame my sister for that though since she took every chance possible to force me into riding with her. She once made me ride like 30 miles all the way to Ojai. I was so mad. Now I would gladly do that! How fun! Anyways, I have figured out that since May I have probably ridden around 880 miles total, and I’m still in love with it. Here is a view that I pass by every morning at about 7:45 am. Every morning its different but its always beautiful.
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Craig's List fail
Emilily
So, as you probably know, I am selling some furniture, and the only place to really do this is Craig’s List. Yesterday, I sold my couch for $50 more than I paid for it, so I have one success to balance out the fail, below:
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Hymenoepimecis argyraphaga
Carmen
I bet you are thinking – wtf? And I agree. Totally wtf. I don’t know if you hate spiders as much as I do but I learned something today that really makes me thankful to be the dominant species on the planet (other than viruses). First I learned about a spider that is vegetarian who has a symbiotic relationship with “fearsome wasp-like ants”! Then, from that article, I learned about another spider/wasp relationship that is way more horrific. A wasp called the Hymenoepicsekljfklsdjf whatever – the Hymeno-turn-you-into-a-zombie wasp! AHHHHH! Listen to this!
“The adult female wasp temporarily paralyzes the spider and lays an egg on its abdomen. The egg hatches into a larva which sucks the spider’s blood through small holes, while the spider goes on about its normal web building and insect catching behavior for the next one to two weeks. When the larva is ready to pupate, it injects a chemical into the spider, causing it to build a web whose design is completely different from any it has ever made, and then to sit motionless in the middle of this web. The wasp larva then molts, kills the spider with a poison and sucks its body dry before discarding it and building a cocoon that hangs from the middle of the web the spider has just built. The larva pupates inside the cocoon, then emerges to mate and begin the cycle over again.”
OH MY God, I’m freaking out. What if these wasps somehow figure out how to do that to humans one day?! Or worse what if the government figures out what kind of chemical the wasps are using and then uses it on us?! Or what if we do deep space travel eventually and find a planet with giant insects and spiders as the dominant species but then we can’t leave because our spaceship is broken?! I’m never leaving the house again.
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Movie Review of X-Men Origins (with Wolverine)
Carmen
Pretty dumb. Hugh Jackman has definitely been working out.
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Not sure what is up with me today...
Carmen
But all i can do is look at these funny pictures of Stormtroopers and read Emails from Crazy people. I am getting zero work done but at least I’m eating alot of cookies! High five!
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"you're irreplaceable" is a nice compliment, but not to be taken literally
Emilily
I spent the morning reviewing résumés for the Controller position I will soon be vacating. The job has been on Craig’s List for just over a week, and there are 114 applications so far – from ex-CFO/CEOs, VPs of Finance, stock analysts and day traders, investment bankers, Ivy league and MBA graduates, mortgage brokers, entrepreneurs, a truckload of real estate agents, and one earth-mover.
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Joshua Tree
Emilily
I’m going camping this weekend at Joshua Tree National Park. I have never been, so I am really looking forward to it! (I’ve done some cooking in preparation, which will be the topic of my next two posts!)
Here are some random facts about Joshua Tree:
The rock formations of Joshua Tree National Park were formed 100 million years ago from the cooling of magma beneath the surface.
Humans have occupied the area around the park for over 5,000 years.
Known as the park namesake, the Joshua tree, Yucca brevifolia, is a giant member of the lily family.
The band U2 named their fifth album after the park, as a nod to both the wide-open spaces of America that produced the county and blues music they borrow liberally from, and their antipathy towards American foreign policy, a prevalent theme underlying many of the tracks on the album.
I think it is kind of cool to give a tree a human name, but the story of how the Joshua Tree came to be called Joshua is surprisingly unexciting, and actually a little lame. From the National Park website: According to legend, Mormon pioneers considered the limbs of the Joshua trees to resemble the upstretched arms of Joshua leading them to the promised land.
On the other hand, I do like the story of how the local town of Twentynine Palms was named: Legend holds that the Serrano Indians came to the Oasis of Mara because a medicine man told them it was a good place to live and that they would have many boy babies. The medicine man instructed them to plant a palm tree each time a boy was born. In the first year, the Serrano planted 29 palm trees at the oasis.
