So yesterday (yes, this is a banked post!) I was standing at the water cooler, chatting with two of the engineers from our office (I know, how cliche) and we were talking about what snacks and beverages we were going to have in our booth at next week’s trade show. We always have Red Bull, water, Hershey’s Minis, and Quaker Oatmeal Bars. Sometimes we have a keg on the last day of the show. The staff is pretty evenly divided between those of us who snack on the oatmeal bars and water (me, about 89% of the time), and those who consume the Red Bull and candy, but everybody likes beer! Another thing we agreed on was that we really need to try some of those energy drinks with the alcohol already in them – not because they’re going to be any good, but because they are horrifyingly fascinating. I’m going to equate them to shooting a gun – there is great potential for bodily harm, but despite one’s better judgment, curiosity wins out. (Speaking of not listening to one’s better judgment, it was also at a trade show that I tried one of those 5-Hour Energy drinks and had an incredibly bad reaction to the toxic levels of niacin it contained.) But back to the alcoholic energy drinks…is there any other (legal) substance that can give you a buzz and keep you up for the next 24 hours? (That was a hypothetical question, but the answer is: NO, and for good reason.) So, with my opinion of these so-called beverages as nothing more than highly toxic sludge improperly marketed to teenage binge drinkers firmly in place, I hopped on the internet and did a little research. And the result? I totally have to try this. Why? Not because my opinion of alcoholic energy drinks has changed, but because I like the packaging.
So how much of a sucker am I? There are four pictures below. The leftmost two are energy drinks currently on the market, one called Sparks that looks like something a 15-year-old might be able to score at his/her local 7-11, and one by Monster featuring new Nitrous Oxide technology. Technically, I think this one may not have alcohol, and I don’t think they’re trying to imply it’s like a shot of espresso and a whippit; I believe they’re just trying to give their disgusting, foul-tasting brew the foamy frothy consistency of beer on tap. Somehow I am offended by the mere fact that they are trying to improve this crap. Now, for the next two. The first one is called Mojo, and looks like one of those anti-oxidant infused water bottles you might find at Whole Foods. All of a sudden, I am not bothered by the fact that it is 7% alcohol and has 2.5 times the caffeine as the equivalent amount of coffee. It’s French, and comes in three flavors: Tropical Fruit, Star Fruit, and Dragon Fruit. ‘Nuff said. The next one (far right) is a concept drink called Tagged, and the smooth, matte aluminum bottle makes me pray the proposed state ban on alcoholic energy drinks doesn’t nip this pretty baby in the bud.
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On another note, I found Mojo and Tagged through a Google image search which led me to a great blog called Dieline, featuring what else but package design! It was just a happy accident that through a post about my complete and instantaneous lack of free will when faced with a nice package that I stumbled upon this website, but it pretty much reads as a shopping list for…everything. I mean, look at this wine bottle! And these tampons…seriously? A non-repulsive tampon box? The only way that box could be improved upon is if you could also use it to bludgeon people. And, last one I promise, this rum bottle looks like it was designed by the same lettering artist who did that Wired article on pirates.
Dude, nice design just makes me happy, and gives me hope for humanity.
Emilily, 
Carmen, 
Nurse Ratched 4:37 pm on January 1, 2010 Permalink
Being a mom, maybe not your mom, but somebody’s mom, I instantly see danger in this practice. I see slices in esophageal tissue, a hasty trip to the ER, swollen membranes, difficulty breathing and the like. I understand the principle of the bubbly forcing the shards of glass up and away from the point of impact. However I think it must be said that principles are abstract rules that should never be confused with proven science. All in all I think it safe to say that saberizing a champagne bottle can be hazardous to your health. So was it tasty?
Carmen 6:23 pm on January 1, 2010 Permalink
Yeah I’m wild!!!
Tuesday 5:22 pm on January 4, 2010 Permalink
What up with that?!!
Emilily 7:09 pm on January 4, 2010 Permalink
I am really impressed by this skill. I told my parents about it, and they had the same reaction as Nurse Ratched, namely, that you could potentially be sipping glass shards along with your bubbly. While I admit this seems like a valid concern, sometimes there is probably no way around it, like when you are swinging from the mast of your pirate ship, ready to celebrate your exploits, and all you have handy is your cutlass, your peg-leg, and a one-eyed monkey…
Carmen 7:16 pm on January 4, 2010 Permalink
I have been coughing up blood lately, is that weird?
Emilily 7:24 pm on January 4, 2010 Permalink
No, I am sure that is perfectly normal, especially for people who have been drinking glass shards. You should probably take some Advil or something for that.